That one circus

sometimes, it's so hard to understand why stories need to have those kinds of dismissive endings, but most of the time, it's harder to believe that endings are part of new beginnings.

it was my off last night so i decided to go out. for my self, at least. locking myself up inside the four corners of my lonely room makes the two of us. wearing the shirt he gave me last month in exchange with the small favor of my lending to him a nicholas sparks, i went to the coffee shop we always spend time in together. it seemed to be a normal afternoon with a lot of people sipping their favorite and overrated frappuccinos. i took an empty table after buying a hot dark cherry mocha and a cinnamon swirl.

i was the only person inside the coffee shop who was with no one. near me was a couple who was playing farmville on facebook. the sounds from their laptop, however moderated it appeared, got into my nerves, so i yanked my player out of my pocket and made those earphones do their job.

a song by kelly clarkson was playing when a lanky guy walked into the shop. like me, he brought no one along with him but himself. he ordered a peppermint mocha. an iced one, actually. i am not to be taken wrongly for keeping an eye at him; there's a magnetic force inside him somewhere.

the barista smiled at him after lending the cup to him, and then, as if being maneuvered by an invisible thread, he looked at me. it was a sharp look that made me decay for a split second. i wanted an extension; i needed more time to restore my composition. sadly, it was too late. he did not take back his look as if locking it can win him millions from the lottery.

he moved forward, not toward me, but to an empty table distant enough for the two of us to have an excuse not to talk.

every drop of sound suddenly fainted. that of my player (the last line that was caught by ears went 'how did you know just where i would be?'). that of the laptop of the couple. that of the jolly baristas and the customers. that of the coffee lovers inside who became the audience to this small circus.

my heart wanted to break apart at that very instant. i stood up and hurled the remaining courage i own.

holding the cup of coffee, i was sitting opposite to him the next moment. his eyes had the same spark i fell in love with on our first meeting. those two eyes were as if looking at my inner self.

i closed my eyes and was about to break into tears. only he was not really there.

then every drop of sound continued.


wanderingcommuter said...

smile ka na lang...
mahirap but its worth it.

red the mod said...

And it comes back, as sharp as that very day. When emotions blur that line between daydreams and memories. Like an exquisite cut, it stings yet fails to bleed.

Although the cut has long healed.

the geek said...

i read somewhere that no one really wins a war...

for both party lose and memory wins...


Anonymous said...

reminds me of the song, taylor the late boy :)

Vladimir Buendia said...

@wanderingcommuter - masarap talagang ngumiti. pero mahirap gawin yan kung sa likod naman ay kalungkutan.

@red the mod - the cut will always be there. until it's healed. but then again it takes time.

@the geek - thanks for the hug. how i wish i can have that in person.

@jesuspaez74 - wow. that song made my day. thank you so much for sharing.

KT said...

May survey ako sinend sa gmail mo. :) Pasagot naman oh. :D salamat!


Arvin U. de la Peña said...

naalala ko tuloy ang kantang victims of love..hehe..tawanan mo na lang ang problema kagaya ng kanta..

taga-bundok said...

Falling in love and falling apart. If only you could easily make everything as real as what our thoughts are. Then maybe there are no tears of loneliness. Just maybe...

(i hate to admit but this post cause me an aching heart.)

Yas Jayson said...

see how this big world turn small when we get too human. haha!

cheer up kase. para tong tanga. :D
haha peace!

Ski said...

Falling in love is falling apart. Just that.

kris said...

crying is part of our being human. cry, cry it all out. we'll later understand the why, when, and where.

caloy said...


dapat sumali ka na lang dun sa magjowang nagfa-farmville..naki-harvest ka :D

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